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What Do You Mean, You Can't Eat in My Home?: A Guide to How Newly Observant Jews and Their Less Observant Relatives Can Still Get Along
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Here is a book of workable, sensible solutions to the everyday problems faced by newly observant Jews as they try to explain the parameters of their new lives to the people who love them—but think they’ve gone around the bend.For the formerly nonobservant Jew who has decided to live an observant life, the most daunting task can be dealing with less-observant loved ones. How can you explain to them what you now feel and believe? How can you continue to be part of the lives of your parents, your siblings and their families, and your in-laws, given how differently you now live your life? In this book, Azriela Jaffe—the observant daughter of less-observant parents—answers these and other pressing questions.Jaffe discusses how to eat kosher and observe the Sabbath and Jewish holidays in the home of a non-observant relative, and how to host nonobservant relatives in your own home; how to explain the laws of modesty and courtship practices; how to attend family life-cycle events—or explain why you sometimes can’t; and how to help your relatives understand the decision to put secular education temporarily aside to attend yeshivah and further your knowledge of Jewish law, rituals, and customs.Eminently insightful, helpful, and readable, What Do You Mean, You Can’t Eat in My Home? will be an invaluable tool in the lives of an ever-increasing number of Jewish families.
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Product details
Hardcover: 208 pages
Publisher: Schocken (September 13, 2005)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 080524221X
ISBN-13: 978-0805242218
Product Dimensions:
5.3 x 0.8 x 8.3 inches
Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.0 out of 5 stars
11 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#1,746,336 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
First, a complaint: the Kindle price is WAY TOO HIGH, compared to the hardcover prices.But, this is a very useful and interesting book, even to this non-Jew. I have become a more devout Christian and it's upsetting the family balance, and many of the attitudes and feelings she describes in this book are ones I'm dealing with too.I also found it interesting at a cultural level, and it has already helped me understand a little better my Jewish friends and co-workers.Well written, well organized, thorough. The author is almost too careful to keep her personal experiences out of the book; I would have liked a few more amusing and/or poignant stories, like the story about her aunt and the cookies.
After having read and absolutely loved Mrs. Jaffe's "Two Jews Can Still Be a Mixed Marriage" I was very excited to read this book. However, I found the explanations and solutions suggested in the book very one sided and not really taking into account the rest of the family's feelings. I was also very disappointed that the book did not address how to make peace with a family that consideres itself observant, or keeps kosher/Shabbat to an extent, when one decides to become more observant or keep kosher/Shabbat to a different extent. Overall, I found myself getting very angry with the book as I read it and eventually started to skim it, so much so that I had to put it down. In "Two Jews Can Still Be a Mixed Marriage," Mrs. Jaffe comes off as sensitive and has lots of innovative solutions from all sides of the problem. But in "What Do You Mean You Can't Eat In My Home" I feel that Mrs. Jaffe has lost her sensitivity, and forgets that Judaism also requires one not to embarrass anyone in public (which I feel many of her "solutions" tend to do). I do applaud Mrs. Jaffe for writing the book and attempting to take others feelings into account, which is more than any other Ba'al or Ba'alat Teshuvah I've ever met has done.
This one should spark plenty of debate and discussion and that makes it the IDEAL book for nearly any Jewish family. It is no secret that many Jews start out in one tradition of Judaism (Orthodox,for example) and then veer off to find themselves in either the Conservative or Reform camp -or somewhere in between. And even if a family remains Orthodox, there isn't just ONE right way to be Orthodox. Is it okay to eat meat before going to a party which will feature milk items - and, if so, how many hours ahead of time can you do so? That question is just one example of how very confusing the rules can be, leading to accusations and judgments, ramping up the tension level. Who needs that? I won't go so far as to say that this book will solve all problems that come along.No book can do that. Sometimes lines are drawn and STAY drawn. Traditions remain, some of them rigid and unbending. But this book definitely opens the door to more peaceful conversations and even some compromises, perhaps even some "new" traditions (one can hope). It also will evoke memories in readers who've experienced the types of issues that are explored here - from parents with very diffent viewpoints to relatives who were judgmental, etc. A gem of a book and a basic for everyone interested in Judaism, whether "new Jews" or "old Jews".
Great book
What a great book! The target audience is people (especially women) who have decided to become Torah-observant and have problems dealing with less observant relatives. Well, I'm pretty much the opposite: totally secular, and (as far as I know) I don't have any relatives or even friends who are as observant as Mrs. Jaffe. Nevertheless, I found this book fascinating! How come? It's a chance to look over the shoulder, as it were, of someone who has decided to follow this path. I have no desire to follow her, but reading about her experiences gave me new respect for those who do: this is obviously something which works for her, and it works well. Something that has puzzled (and worried me) is that the denominations which are thriving today are those whose doctrines and practices are furthest removed from the rationalist secular society: the Mormons are the fastest-growing Christian group, while the Episcopalians languish. And if present trends continue, in 50 years the predominant Jewish group will be of the Torah-observant. Mrs. Jaffe's book gives a hint about why. Now if only we had a similar book from the LDS...
Good book for Baalei T'shuva to help in explaining new concepts to parents, family and friends. After I read it, I gave it to my parents. Not sure what they thought but I found it personally helpful. Easy read.
This is an important read for both the religious and non-religous. It clearly explains many of the common issues that can come up between family members. She emphasizes being respectful and keeping ones connections with family close and open. A really important read!!!
I bought this book for a synagogue library thinking it would help some of the older members deal with children who have become more observant. This perspective isn't addressed, it is solely from the viewpoint of young people having to explain things to their less religious elders. It would be more helpful if it gave practical advice to those who are less religious. I will probably return it.
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